My goodness, it's certainly been a long time.
So it's time to write again!


Work has been alright. I'm finally working full-time. It's not a pay raise, and that's what upsets me. Also the fact that it's on midnights isn't the best thing in the world. I'm just trying to take what I can get and try to make the most of working there.

I'm in the weird stage of re-invention, as I get this every so often. For Christmas my brother got me 2 sparrows that are nicely tattooed on my chest. I love them. I also recently got my hair cut and I really like it! I streaked it and I haven't done that in awhile either. Just waiting for my tax cheque so I can get some new clothes!

On the relationship front, Adam came home from Cali in January and I never saw him even though he would call and tell me that we would hang out that certain day. After he went back to Cali and never called, I decided to give up on him and move on to better things. I've also given up on Scott...well, more so he's given up on me. The times that we were supposed to talk about "things", he went to do something else or never called so we never got to talk. It's for the best, however. I haven't been upset about things in over a month and I owe it inpart to to a certain boy whom I've made great friends with. He has been a total sweetheart to me and makes me look forward to the things to come, as lame as that sounds.

Maybe I'll write in here a little more often. I guess it depends on what I have to say.

Currently Listening Figure 8 By Elliott Smith see related

Well, I haven't written an entry since the end of July. That would be about 3 months ago. So if you're reading this, or you've come across it in your reading of friends entries, just leave me a comment and let me know...just because that would be nice. :)

Things have been up and down since then, really. As for "boy" shit, in July I started hanging out with a boy whom I probably shouldn't have in the first place. I hurt him a bit and he got very angry at me and well, I didn't really care. I found a few days of comfort in an ex-boyfriend, the one who was the first that I ever fell in love with. He and I had a few good days together - watching movies, going to the bars...then he moved to California. I didn't think that it would make such a big impact on me, but it did. I told myself that I would not be upset when he left, but I was. I cried and he gave me a hug and kiss and picked me up off the ground. Since then he's called and has told me that he misses me, but I don't know if I believe that anymore. I sure do miss him though. Really the only thing I can do is wait for him to come back for Christmas, that is, if he even comes back at all. As for Scott, I haven't seen him in over 3 months either. I think we're going to hang out this week, though. Only because I'm feeling a little lonely and have been not feeling too into my friends at this point in time.

I went to Pittsburgh twice since the last time I wrote. Once to visit my twin and I took Parker with me so he could see her as well. We ate ate her work, then got stuck in traffic for about an hour when we were about 5 minutes from her house. Her boyfriend made us all dinner and we had a pretty good time. The other time was with my friends so we could go to Ikea, and stop at Tim Horton's on the way home. It was great and I love both places a whole ton.  I also got "there's no love like apathy" tattooed below  my broken heart on my wrist.  Warped Tour was amazing, and I also went to see The Format for the second time this year.  They were amazing as well.

In other shit, I've been working a lot. I've had 40 hours a week for the past few months. I swear I should just sleep in the lounge because I feel like I'm always there. Now I'm just trying to prepare myself for the cold and the holidays, which I dislike mostly because there's just too many people out and people are insane, I swear. Just trying to be happy although it seems like it's impossible. As it gets colder, I get more unhappy by the minute.

I guess I'll see what the future brings, although I'm almost scared to know. Here's to wishing well for all of you. <3

Here's a few pictures just because.

Look who I ran into at Warped...it's Rob!
It made my day because his band wasn't even playing.


The overlook on Mt. Washington in Pittsburgh...my favourite part of it all!


My twin, Parker, and I.

Currently Listening The Only Reason I Feel Secure By Pedro the Lion "Diamond Ring" see related

There has been so much going on.
Lemme see what I can remember...

I took a vacation from work over my birthday week (10th). It blew because I got woken up early every day and it just wasn't a very happy week for me. I had my birthday, saw Jack's Mannequin, hung with some friends, Scott decided that he wanted me back, bought an iPod as a birthday gift for myself, went to Pittsburgh, and got so drunk that I couldn't walk and had to be carried out of the car and up the steps.

This Scott thing is really making me think a ton, and worry about a lot of things, I guess you could say. I recently started talking to another boy, which I didn't think that anything would come out of it, but I like him. And that's why this Scott thing is so hard. I love Scott so much. I went and talked to him and told him that I couldn't take him back and there are so many factors that go in with that and I don't feel like talking about them right now. (Plus no one needs to know, or even cares.) Just recently he basically called me a whore, although I cannot be a virgin whore, can I? (That's such an oxymoron.) But the more I talk to this other guy, the more I realize that I love Scott far too much for some dumb reason. Why is it that girls always like the boys who are bad for them?

In other words, this fucking blows. And I'm so confused. And I have no idea what to do. Today was the first time I cried in about a week or so. I couldn't take it anymore.  I just want to build up these brick walls and not let anyone cross them.  But I can't do that.  I hate being alone, as much as I like to be alone...

P.S.
The new TEN album(s) make(s) me cry a whole lot.

This past week has been...well it's felt like I'm actually having a "summer". I've not had a "summer" in years. I mean, I have...just with work, it seems like I never get a break. It seems like such a long time ago that I was in school and not having to go for the summer. Just hanging out with friends and doing whatever and enjoying it. But this week I actually have done things! I must say, I love my girls a ton! They've managed to help keep a smile on my face. And I even got to see my dearest twin! She came back for the weekend and we went to the car show tonight. This week has been awesome but something is still missing... Do you know what it is? (I bet you can guess.)

Pictures?  Sure!

06-14-06
LK and I in the Target parking lot waiting for someone to rescue her car's flat tire!
(I <3 this picture...I got her to smile for once!)


06-14-06
Brosia, myself, and Manda hanging out in that same parking lot...


06-14-06
Myself, LK, and Manda...still waiting...


06-14-06
Amber and I in Starbucks.


06-15-06
LK and I at Cheeseburger In Paradise...karaoke night!


06-16-06
A little blurry, but Brosia, myself, and LK at Dina's going away party at Starbucks.

Currently Watching Roseanne - The Complete Third Season see related

Well, what has been going on with me? If anyone cares...

My four month plan isn't working so well. I had an interview at Bed, Bath, & Beyond and obviously didn't get the job. It's been like 3 weeks and I called back and everything. I wonder what I did to fuck that up. Amber and I went to see an apartment and liked it, but I doubt that we'll get it. It's been a week and there was no call back. The lady was showing it to some other people and probably thought that they'd do better than 3 kids. Fuckers.

Squared moved to Pittsburgh this past weekend. I spent almost all weekend with her. We went to PA to move some of her stuff there and ate lunch at the infamous Parmanti's. I'm sad that she's gone but I know that I'll be visiting her soon. Vacation is in July over my birthday so I'll be there then.

Scott's birthday was on Sunday. He told me that he missed me. I still haven't seen him in about 2 weeks. I guess it takes him that long of not seeing or talking to me to realize that he does? I hope it wasn't just some drunken comment.

I have to work midnights this week. 2 down and 3 to go.

And today: I'm so tired for some reason. My friends made me mad as well. Joey put a muffler bracket on my car for me since it decided to rust off. And I have to work tonight again. I really don't want to.

Currently Listening From Under the Cork Tree By Fall Out Boy "Dance, Dance" see related